If you have a personality that is disturbed by the actions or reactions of others, you should listen to Frederick Ambo and control your ego.
When Ambo feels that he is upset by reacting to every little thing in life, such as if an annoyed driver is honking his horn or the driver of the car behind him is hitting him with high beam lights, or They would get upset if the person at the hotel receptionist did not give them a warm welcome.
Frederick decided that he had to do something to get rid of this constant problem. And to solve this problem, he became a football referee.
The two seem to have nothing in common, but Ambo told the BBC that being a referee gives him a chance to deal with a situation that forces him to control his ego.
“This is not my personal problem.”
“I’m a scapegoat, apparently I’m wrong, it’s always my fault,” Frederick Ambo said in a Ted Talk. And I wanted to learn not to take it for granted. ”
For 45-year-old Embo from Belgium, the whistleblower’s job is quite new. He has founded a company called Emborling, which trains people to communicate effectively.
He told the BBC that he had graduated from the theater and worked in some films and TV series but did not have the potential to become a major actor.
While playing a role, he realized his spoiled ego, which he described as, “Our bad part is that it wants to be considered right. It’s like a little kid.”
Then he realized that some of the things he clung to, even if others did, were not, and because of these things he lost consciousness and that was his ego.
“It’s not about me.”
Frederick Ambo devised a dual strategy to deal with this problem.
On the one hand, he would tell himself that this person is not having a good day today and he is targeting them at will, but the problem is not about him. His analysis is correct in many situations.
The second is to admit that yes, it is my fault. Many times people get angry at their actions and attack them and they have to admit this fact.
“I thought I would have to put myself in a real situation to test my theory and train myself that it’s not all against me,” he says.
He says becoming a referee at any level, professional or beginner level, is not easy. “It’s very ridiculous, very threatening. Players are very difficult. They shout They say what they want. He comes very close to you and says, “You don’t know anything about the game, do you use your brain or something else.”
Mistreatment of referees is not only a problem for injured Anna but it is also a matter of concern for the game.
A recent report by Reef Sports UK, a charity, says there has been a sharp rise in requests for help from match officials on the helpline, and the players’ behavior is like being locked in a cage. Animals that have just been released from the coronavirus lockdown.
The Third Team is a business that teaches referees flexibility. The third team says abuse of referees is a serious problem.
There were 7,000 registered referees in the UK in 2018, 200 of whom have quit the profession for fear of attacks from players, managers, and fans.
But other than that, even under normal circumstances, referees have to deal with the situation with a lot of mental strength. If there is a feeling of deprivation in them, then all the negative things that are said about them increase anxiety.
The best way to do this is to make the referee mentally tough because he can help in every aspect of life.
Ryan Holiday is the author of the best-selling book on ego, Ego is the Enemy. He warns that because of the “poisonous ego”, our happiness may depend on external admiration.
“Because of this, we would like to be praised, recognized, and even liked on social media,” he says, So control your ego.
“When we get into the habit of praising and admiring others, such people ignore their passions and passions,” says Holiday.
People who have a lot of egos often think that it is the responsibility of others to help them and they are completely unaware of the truth. Interestingly, they become captives of their own unrealistic expectations and are forced to face reality when it comes to them.
Arrogance and inferiority complex are two sides of the same coin. But how can we control our ego?
Giraffe and jackal
Frederick Ambo We all use the example of an animal created by Marshall Rosenberg. To describe two opposite abilities within us and to control my ego.
The jackal is dictatorial and judgmental. A giraffe is both gentle and strong. “One always has an ego problem and wants to be right,” says Frederick. The other is compassion and tries to understand you. ‘
He says it is sometimes impossible to live with the qualities of both.
But the point is not to choose one, but to make room for both.
For example, if they make a wrong decision in a match. They say they want to admit their mistake and go to the affected manager.
“I wonder if we can talk about it. That’s all I have to do. His voice changes immediately because you have expressed your intention to connect. His ego lowers his guard and his body language changes.
“And as soon as their ego is recognized, there is a possibility of conversation and in 90% of the cases. They say yes you made a mistake but my reaction was not respectful.”
“Criticism is not an easy task, but it is a lesson learned,” says Frederick. When someone criticizes us and hurts us. It usually means that they have touched on a subject about which we ourselves are uncertain or because of past experiences. They do not feel confident in this regard.
“It simply came to our notice then. I have some insecurity or I am reliving some past experience. I’m recreating the pain of the past. ”
At this point, Frederick realizes that I have to be kind to myself, love myself, and control my ego.
“The more you love yourself, the more you acknowledge yourself. The more likely you are to believe that other people are not responsible for your happiness.”
Frederick says he is now in a more stable position as a referee. But to understand all this, you do not have to put yourself in front of abuses.
In his Ted Talk, Frederick understands this differently. He takes a 20 euro note out of his pocket and asks people who want the note. Many people raise their hands. Frederick then puts the note in his mouth, spits on it. And throws it on the ground, rubbing his feet on it. But people’s hands are still standing. Frederick says life will spit on you, and destroy you, but your value remains the same as this note.